On a blog that I follow one of the bloggers shared that she was about to have surgery for the first time - and she was very nervous. She was obviously hoping for support and encouragement, something I can identify with. Even having had as many surgeries as I have - and it's a lot - and with complete confidence in the surgeon I still feel quite nervous as the time approaches because things can go wrong.
My first thought was that the many other followers of the blog (who are generally supportive and thoughtful) would do their best to make her feel confident and better able to cope - and about half of them did just that. The others weren't as empathetic as they regaled her and her readers with all the things that had gone wrong for them with similar surgeries. I stopped reading when I was about half way through them.
Honestly why anyone would do this? The last thing someone needs at a time like this to hear horror stories but there's always a group whether on social media or anywhere else people meet up - sometimes quite a large number of people, too - who feel compelled to share just what you don't want or need to hear at the time.
This urge to share the worst seems particularly strong when it comes to medical matters. When a woman nears the end of pregnancy there's a rush of people wanting to tell her exactly how awful it all was for them and what went wrong in how their birth was handled. Mention you're having your tonsils out and you'll be regaled with stories of how they couldn't stop the bleeding or their throat was so swollen that drinking or eating was impossible for days or the sedation made them throw up for hours and the list goes on. Why? By all means share these kinds of stories once the operation is over but not beforehand.
In the past year four of my friends have been being treated for cancer. It's been life threatening and life changing for them and they've wanted to share their experiences of chemo, radiation therapy and surgery (and I have to say that some of it has been harrowing). I've been more than happy to listen because they are my friends and I care about them but had I been about to undergo treatment for the same thing myself hearing how the treatment had been very painful and resulted in permanent damage for some of them would have been frankly terrifying.
So my message is choose the time when you share what can or has gone wrong with a medical procedure carefully - and here's a hint - it's not just before someone is to undergo the same procedure.
2 comments:
I have not had many procedures, fortunately, and I don't recall anyone telling me horror stories, so I am assuming that never happened. However, other than for cataract surgery, my visits have been sudden, not planned, appendicitis for example, so perhaps that's the reason for no terrible accounts from others.
You've been lucky, David. I've reached the point where I'm very careful about with whom I share any details about impending surgery because tales of disaster are the last thing you need.
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