Saturday, May 07, 2016

World Naked Gardening Day

This, according to my Facebook page, is 'trending' and it is apparently a thing. Personally - and I am an enthusiastic gardener - I can't think of anything worse. It's nothing to do with people, for whatever reason, wandering about without any clothes on. Dudes, you do what you have to. Just don't expect me to join you or to enjoy looking at all your wobbling bits because, let's face it, most of us, even models, have far from 'model' bodies. There is a reason for Photoshop, after all.

No, my objection is far more to do with practicalities and here are a few reasons why this is a very bad idea:

1. sunburn - in summer

2. cold - in winter. Even in a mild climate you could end up seriously uncomfortable if not chilled to the bone (which would certainly be the case here at the moment).

3. prickles and thorns. You try pruning roses without at least one thorn inserting itself in you.

4. spiders, ants and other nasties. They bite and sting and no clothes means no protection. You've probably heard of redbacks and toilet seats and the consequences. 'Nuff said.

5. dirt - or, in the case of my garden, sand making its way into creases and crevices where it definitely doesn't belong.

6. scratches. See 2 above but they don't have to come from thorns or prickles. I pulled out some low growing creepers last weekend and, even wearing gloves and a long sleeved shirt, I managed to acquire some interesting scrapes on my forearms.

7. I presume nude means sans footwear if you're going to do it properly which also means toes at the mercy of misdirected spades, shovels, garden forks, prickles, etc. etc. and etc.

Oh and 8. the cost of sunscreen is going to be huge. It takes, according to Sunsmart, a minimum of 35 mls of sunscreen to cover an adult body and it should be reapplied every two hours. Well, you do the maths.

And none of these even account for the toll on horrified neighbours catching a glimpse of sagging bums, bellies and boobs.

So, no, just no. Be a naturist/nudist if you like and go where other nudists go - I hear Swanbourne Beach is a great place to swim and sunbathe - but there are reasons why gardeners are usually fully clothed.


Jo said...

I cannot imagine anything worse than trying to deal with all the things you have mentioned when you are stark naked. What's the point anyway unless you are a nudist, in which case, join a nudist colony so we don't have to see all those sagging parts thanks very much. I am right behind you there Helen.

Helen V. said...

It does seem a bizarre thing to do, Jo.