I've Been Sick

and it's entirely my own fault I have to say. As someone who has had chronic ill health for more years than I care to mention you'd think by now that I would have learned to pace myself. Nope.  

What happens is that I feel quite good - by my standards that is and if you're fit and healthy you'd probably not agree. For me this means my aches and pains aren't causing me too much grief and I have enough energy to be tempted into tackling some of the mountain of tasks around here that really need doing. In this case some sunny days after weeks of rain and cold enticed me out into the garden and I took to the vegetable garden planting, weeding and digging. None of these are things I can't or shouldn't do but (as I should know by now) they're all things I should only do in small amounts. Of course, I neglected that aspect, didn't I, and even more foolishly I kept pushing myself even when I knew I had reached my limits.

Inevitably I ran out of "spoons". Worse still, I had tried to borrow against those I needed for the future which is both stupid and has a high cost. If you don't know about "spoon theory" it was devised by Christine Miserandino as a way of explaining what it is like to live with chronic illness. The "spoon" stands for each measure of energy you have available to you every day and "spoon theory" is about how much you have and how you use it. If you're fit and healthy you have enough "spoons" to do whatever you need and want to. If you are chronically ill the reality is very different. You can read Christine Miserandino's essay on "spoon theory" here.

The result of this folly was that I ended up exhausted to the point that I would get up, feed the cat, have breakfast then fall back into bed and sleep for most of the rest of the day before having a snack and going back to sleep. Pisces, having lived with me for many years, is used to this pattern but this time I had so depleted myself that it went on for longer than usual. The other side effect is that exhaustion increases all the discomforts that come with my illness so that although I'm in bed it's not restful. Chronic pain is not something that it's easy to live with at the best of times and lying in bed actually exacerbates it. 

Eventually my body managed to find some sort of equilibrium, enough at least for us both to enjoy the round of visitors that come with Fathers Day. Unfortunately that doesn't mean I'm completely back to my normal self, just that I have enough spoons for me to do the essentials of life - which today means do the washing, change the bedding and water the potted plants. By the time I've had lunch in a few minutes - one of the frozen mealsI keep on hand for times like this - I'll have reached my limit and will have to go and have a snooze so I can find enough spoons to bring the washing off the line later. It's frustrating but that's life.